Letter

I wrote to Sam, knowing that I would never send it but I thought I would share it anyway. Hopefully it gives a bit of insight, I felt like the letter could be seen as a bit manipulative but that wasn’t my intent, I’m doing my best to sit with my emotions and not react to them.

Hi Sam,

I know I would never send this but I’ve been wanting to write to you for a while now. I don’t have anything important or really even interesting to say to you. Actually that’s not true, I have a lot of things I wish I could share with you, I just meant that I wasn’t writing to you to tell you anything.

I understand that you made the decision to leave and that is 100% your right, it was necessary for both of us. Neither of us was ready for the commitment we wanted to make. I wish it hadn’t happened like that, it’s been more than a year and I still struggle a bit that we aren’t in each other’s life, it was something that I never imagined could happen.

I really just wonder if you are ok, if you are happy? I care about you, I always will

What I was really thinkning

I FUCKING MISS YOU MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT WAS POSSIBLE, I DIDN’T KNOW I COULD HURT LIKE THIS AND TO FEEL SO BROKEN WITHOUT YOU, GOD I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH. AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU, I DON;T KNOW HOW TO STOP. I KNOW IN MY MIND THAT THERE IS NO WAY BACK FOR US, YET, EVERYTIME I COME HOME; THERE’S A MOMENT JUST BEFORE i OPEN THE HALLWAY DOOR, FOR A SECOND, JUST A SECOND, I WISH YOU WERE STANDING THERE, WANTING TO COME HOME. I KNOW THAT’S CRAZY, BUT IT’S HOW I FEEL.