I must have watched Lady Gaga’s Hold My Hand 30 or 40 times when I discovered it. The primal, visceral emotions it invokes in me is completely overwhelming. While the song itself is amazing, while I watched the video, I found myself replaying my life in my head while I watched it.
Even now, a year of intense self rediscovery and reeducation, I still have the same fantasy that I need someone else to feel safe, loved and complete. I so badly want someone to see through all the my fears and insecurities, to see me for who I am really am, to love me and to be there for me.
I don’t think the way I feel is inherently bad, I just need to remind myself that I need to be that same thing for that person too. Maybe i have been selfish in the past and not offered or even communicated what I truly wanted and needed. I know that simply because I didn’t know any of this isn’t a good enough reason and I want so much to be able to be that for someone, I just don’t know if I’m capable.