Alexithymia

I came across the term alexithymia, which basically is that you cannot either express or identify your emotions. It’s not a disorder more of a trait, but it’s something that I struggled with for a long time. Until VERY recently I was unaware of what I felt a lot of the time. I could identify basic emotions like, anger, hurt, impatient but I really had no insight into what was causing those feelings or what the root of my feelings even was.

For a lot of my life I saw myself as analytical, calculated and honest, but it’s easy to see now that I wasn’t any of those things. I don;t mean that I lied to people, I rarely told lies, most of the time being honest knowing it would hurt someone I cared about. I absolutely had no idea that my abandonment issues ran so deep and was such a major emotional trigger.