I wanted to explore some thoughts I had been having quite frequently this past week or so. I didn’t feel comfortable navigating these kinds of thoughts on my own. In the past when I ‘ve tried I always ended up spiraling out of control and making things worse for myself. I asked zee to help me navigate my thoughts during our session and she of course was happy to do it with me. I know I will never get answers to a lot of questions, I know I’ll never really know what actually happened. I realized that I had more than enough information to give myself answers to a lot of my questions. Especially now that I am mentally out of the relationship, a lot of things have become much clearer.

The biggest revelation to me is just how complicated a persons emotions are, and the next is just how unbelievable hard relationships are. I can’t speak for Sam, but for me all my past relationships were much less complicated and it never occurred to me to work on myself and learn about people, communication or emotions. It didn’t happen over night with Sam, it took a couple of years for me to to be aware of all this. It was very messy at times and I absolutely handled myself poorly at times. I also know that I did a lot of things right, I tried to be a good person and partner, I was committed and I did the best I could with the skills I had. I was in love with her, I still am.

I have no idea why, but I decided to get a psychic reading, I didn’t share any information with her to start, I answered a couple of questions and she started her story. There was nothing ground breaking and most was generic at best, but one thing she said was that “She saw that our path was written in the stars”. The fact that she said our, was a bit surprising, because I didn’t mention anyone to her. The way she explained it was cool as well, I think I am going to read up about the idea myself, I’m curious to know more about it.

This post doesn’t really make sense to me.. lol