V1 Never Sent
I’ve finally accepted that you are completely gone, I know I will never see or speak to you again. It may seem ridiculous to you that it took me 7 months to figure it out, but that’s how long it took me.
I have no idea what the past 7 months have been like for you, I don;t know if you are happy or anything in between. I have no idea if you ever considered talking to me or if you made the decision the minute you left. What I really can’t wrap my head around is why? Why is any of this happening? We talked so many times about if one of us was considering ending things we would talk about it at length before doing it. We both said we would be there for the other if that ever happened. We promised that neither of us would be abandoned. Everything that you said you wouldn’t do, the things you knew if you did wou;d destroy me emotionally are the things you decided to do? Why? I would have understood if it lasted a couple of months, i was in a terrible amount of pain as, and I wouldn’t;t have fault you for needing time and space before speaking.
I am struggling so much trying to understand what’s happening. The day of the breakup you told me you wanted to have a daily “state of the unions”. I feel a bit like you just played with me. Every time you messed up or raged in the end I told you I was ok with it as long as you were trying. Actually it feels incredibly fucking unfair, i stood by you through all your shit, the leaving me during multiple exams, running away at the cottages, you acted like you were insane and then had no idea why you did or said any of it. I kept my word to you because I loved you. Yet, you couldn’t keep a single promise you made to me. Did I mean anything to you at all? Did you ever love me, do you even know what love is?
I’ve always tried to protect you from certain things, not because you are weak, we both know you aren’t.
I wanted to protect you from what you have done to us. There is a reason most people believe in karma or something like it, Most people don’t really explain what it means though, ya karma’s a bitch but why?
You ended our relationship, you reduced our relationship to a 4 line email. You abandoned everything about our lives and never looked back. Maybe you knew you were capable of doing this to someone or maybe not. Now you know that it can happen and now you know that it can be done to you. Once you’ve done something like this, you’ll never forget it, and it makes trusting someone just a bit harder.
I wish I could tell you to fuck off and I hate you, that I never wanted to see or hear from you again. I just don;t feel that way, I love you with all my heart, I can;t say a time that I won’t love you.