Secure

I’m not sure secure is a feeling on it’s own. It feels more like a culmination of other feelings. Secure is my least familiar feeling. I have one memory of feeling absolutle security while under a tremendous amount of stress. It toook me along time to realise that this memory also created an unrealistic view on what feelign secure meant and an impossible expectation of someone.

Sam and I had dropped our car off to get looked at and then went to write my entrance exam for college. I was nervous, my math skills were not good, even with Sam’s help I still struggled with basic concepts. Same waited for me in the lobby and I went in to do my thing. I came out of the exam feelign good, I was pretty sure I passed and was hoping ot start skip math 1.

I went to meet Sam and I saw the look on her face, something bad happened. The look on her face was utter sadness, she walked up to me and in middle of the lobby put her arms around my waist and told me that the mechanic called and the car needed a new engine. She knew exactly was was coming, she pulled me by my hands outside and leaned me up against the wall and said to me

It’s ok, it’s going to be ok. We will figure it out together, We will find a way.

In that moment I felt safer, more loved and more understood than I ever had in my life. It was the closet thing to a perfect moment that someone could give me.