Anxiety was an emotion is really didn’t understand, It was very difficult to seperate this emotion from things like anger, fear or feeling triggered, I often didn’t know why I felt anxious. I also had no idea that anxiety was the single most destructive force in my relationship.
When I would wait outside for my partner to come out from work, I would start to feel this pulse of energy pushing outwords from my chest. If for any reason she got held up, that pulse would get stronger and stronger until the only thinkg I could focus on was making it stop. usually that caused me to lash out at my partner or try to control my situation or worse my partner.
It’s my fear of abandoment that causes my anxiety, I know there was no reason to feel any kind of abandonment during the few miuntes I was waiting. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to stop having feeling, now that I can identify what is happening and I knew what my body is telling me, I can communicate that or remove myseklf from the situation instead of hurting people I care about.